If wishes were horses, men would fly. And Mom would be here.
It’s the third birthday without her. The third year without her warm smile and reassuring voice. The third year without her trying to police our lives in that way only a Mom can.
I have tried to move on.
But it feels impossible at this point. Now and then, I find myself tearing up. Now and then, the tears stream down as I wonder what would have been.
What she would have said if I had called her to say we had boarded the plane on our way out of Nigeria.
How she would have smiled if I had sent her Ronan’s image on the day he was born.
Or how she would have ensured we take pictures of the kids every day so she could track their growth, seeing she was continents away.
But alas, it’s another day of wishes.
Another day to imagine what would have been. And what will become!
Life is an interesting journey. Grief, an even more interesting one.
I often find myself going back to her images on my phone. Or our last chat on Whatsapp a day before she passed on. What am I looking for?
I don’t know!
Every win in life is a trigger. Every sad movie leaves me in tears. Every new day, a battle to push the pain beneath the surface.
Life hasn’t been the same since you left earth. And we are all struggling to fill the void you left behind.
I now know I never understood the finality of death. I cried when we lost Naeto. And uncle Cletus.
But with you, it’s different.
That finality. The knowledge that we’ll never see again on this plane is a tough one for me to comprehend.
I tell friends that I now understand why images of Death have him carrying an axe. Because that’s the only tool that has the needed brute force and speed by which the tenuous link between life and death is severed.
But all in all, we are here.
3rd year without you. 3rd birthday without you. 3rd birthday without your corny birthday calls.
Happy birthday Dozie! 2021 has been a fantastic year, Mom.
Draft of an unfinished tribute to my Mom, late Mrs. Ngozika Anyaegbunam nee Otti, who tragically passed away on March 2nd, 2019.
